Result:  Lost

Score:  Cainers 187 -7

The Alternatives 166 all out (well almost all out!)

 

Under a cloudless sky, the Alternatives met the Hove Cainers at Wish Park on a Bank Holiday Sunday in early summer. Few grassroots cricket fans would choose to miss this occasion. All are aware of its significance. The game has attracted controversy and drama; rivalry with a passion rarely matched in the cauldron of competitive sport. Could this year be any different?

The toss was won by The Cainers who elected to bat. Robertson, The Alternatives’ skipper, remarked that it rendered little difference as he intended to bowl anyway.

An aggressive start by The Cainers’ openers unnerved the bowling attack of Stenner and Thompson. A rapid batting onslaught followed and nervous head scratching could be noticed amongst the fielders. The game risked descending into no more than schoolyard bullying by the Flashman-esque batters, with The Alternatives being victim of metaphorical nipple twisting and Chinese burns. However, the balm for this painful start was the control and reassurance provided by the spinners and slow-pacers.

On a sticky, early summer pitch Green, Goodwin, Wakeford and Mellowship managed to stall the belligerent scoring and regained the reins. The pick of the bunch was Wakeford (4 for not many). Crucially, he clean bowled the fast scoring opener and following up by knocking over the next batsman’s stumps first ball. A mid-innings slump by The Cainers set up a tantalising finish to the innings. However, their captain refused to leave his post and guided the tail to an intimidating total of 187-7. An impressive score on a slow pitch but within reach for an exciting contest.

Unfortunately tea-arrangements represented Boden’s only significant contribution to the match but fortunately proved very successful.

The Alternatives’ openers, Robertson (26) and Rick (62), provided a solid partnership. Eschewing flamboyant or risky shot-making, they knuckled down on a tricky surface to ensure that the team had a fair chance for success. Just as the run-chasing started to accelerate Robertson was run out. But then worse was to come.

Rick appeared to time the acceleration perfectly and was sailing like a clipper-ship through strong reliable thermal winds. But then, with little supposed likelihood, he was bowled. This tipped The Alternatives’ innings into a sudden squall. Boden, Mainprize and Goodwin followed quickly and the innings was turning into disarray.

Stenner arrived and immediately utilised his trusted sweep to legside. Although the shot can resemble a shipwrecked sailor paddling seawater frantically with his oar to save his sinking life-raft, Stenner manages to use his keen eye to effectively score with it. Unwisely, he rashly decided to try a different shot and was caught on the offside. But he had contributed a crucial 19 runs to the cause.

An exciting finish awaited. No cricketing fans would be leaving for Songs of Praise this Sunday. Some spectators worried they risked missing the start of Antiques’ Roadshow but such is the sacrifice sport sometimes demands.

Alas, the task proved too difficult for The Alternatives’ tail. Green stood alone. Like an astronaut losing oxygen from his tank on his final spacewalk (please see the film Gravity, ideally in 3-D, for the cinematic encapsulation of this moment) he was helpless as his batting partners slipped away from him. Green understood the loneliness of space. Eventually, the moment arrived when he was out (28) and the final partnership finished soon after. The game was lost as the final total for The Alternatives reached 166.

It was, of course, another exciting and controversial contest. However, The Cainers proved to be better on this day and deserved their victory. Nevertheless, there will be more. The cricketing public demand it.

 

IF A JOBS WORTH DOING, DO IT WELL
When it came to doing the scoring, we got our best brains on the case – Professor Stenner and Alternatives head bean counter Simon, ensured everything added up perfectly…… but wait…. has The Professor spotted an imperfection !!