Result:  Alternatives sign off season with a fine victory

Score:  Alternatives 166-9
Burpham 108-9

Alternatives won by 58 runs

Apologies for the very late match report, but with our resident bard absent at a Blondie gig, Green was given the onerous task of compiling this report, having dusted down his trusty Remington typewriter he then suffered a prolonged bout of writers block.

What follows is his very, very sub standard effort – apologies all, and come back John – the pen is mightier than the bat!

 

 

Against a glorious backdrop of Petworth Park bathed in Autumn sunshine, the Alternatives signed off the season in some style with a fine victory against the Phil Mannings XI.  With it being so late in the season, the match was set at 30 overs per side and included the new “Phil Mannings no LBW rule”.

Webb and Mainprize opened up the innings for the Alts, having settled in nicely Mainprize was gutted to fall to a fine catch, he launched a searing cover drive, which the fielder could do little to avoid, a foot either side would have resulted in a glorious four runs, Mainprize departed muttering obscenities to himself.

Green entered the fray and knuckled down, after his dismal efforts the previous week against Burpham, he was determined to finish the season on a better note.

The rules of the day meant that batsmen upon reaching 25 runs would then be retired, the runs flowed steadily and retirements soon followed, Webb was the first to return having played with great fluidity and style, and next was Green.

Professor Stenner accumulated runs in brisk fashion using his legendary hook/swivel shot (of which he has the copyright pending with the MCC), the  opposition were unable to stem his flow of runs and he too soon reached the 25 run ceiling, marching off with a swagger. It has to be said Professor Stenner has been the batting revelation of the season, and surely must be in the running for the Player of the Season award.

 

Stenner displays his classic “hook/swivel” shot

 

A few wickets fell giving the opposition some encouragement, but this was shortlived as next in was Mellowship,  he marched in, bristling with intent, mellow by name but certainly nor mellow by nature, he fired the ball to all corners of the ground. All that work in the Winter nets coming to a glorious fruition, and soon he too had  reached his 25 maximum. Lets  hear it for Mel – “your destiny, it comes from within”.

 

‘ave some of that – Mel was in destructive form with the willow

 

With overs running out the Alts needed to put the pedal to the metal, and so the tail enders concocted a cunning plan, so earlier “retired” batsmen could be reinstated.

Superfan and all Irish “cricket expert” Superted, making his debut as a player, cunningly played out a maiden, and then having scored a very fine one run, surrender his wicket by getting himself run out. Our glorious leader then fell on his sword without evening facing a ball, as he too was run out, and finally Wakeford (Alan) allowed himself to be bowled. This cleared the way for the Webb and Green to return for a final two over run assault. Webb cleared the ropes with some more top quality strokeplay and Green added another valuable one run.

Superted scores a vital 1 run, plus as you see he was also involved in some rather unpleasant “sledging” with one of their bowlers – easy Ted

The Alts had amassed a highly respectable 166 runs in their 30 overs.

Following another fine tea, provided by the Wakeford catering team, the Phil Mannings XI innings commenced.

In a very similar fashion to our previous meeting over at East Brighton, the Alts opening bowlers (this time Stenner and Waldman) soon had the Mannings XI on the back foot and and unable get any sort of momentum, they found themselves well behind the required run rate, scoreboard pressure mounted and then wickets started to tumble. The pick of the wickets was when Webb took a lightning fast stumping off the bowling of Goodwin. After some alert  fielding from Mainprize bagged a run out – The Alts were bossing the game. Our glorious leader noted that this was our finest fielding effort of the year.

However the best was yet to come as Stenner decided to press claims for man of the match, by going for a “double play”.  Goodwin, with another spin bowling master class,  forced a poor shot from a Mannings batsman and Stenner charging in took a fine running catch, the Alts players ran in to celebrate with him.  However Stenner was not finished and within the blink of an eye  fired the ball in to the non-strikers end where the umpire, the non-striking batsman and Goodwin were all forced to dive for cover, the ball flew narrowly past the stumps with Stenner bellowing  for another wicket!

 

Following this excitement, a period of stalemate then ensued. Due to an unusual rule proposed by Mannings himself, it was agreed that  there would be no LBW rule.  It soon became evident why it had been introduced, as ball after ball after ball thudded  into Mannings pads whilst he stood there plum in front of the sticks. There seemed to be no way he was going to be removed. He game had reached an empasse.

 

 

Having bowled a few overs that varied between below average and wayward, Green was determined to break the deadlock, and finally sent down an unplayable Doozwobbla, Mannings was suitably befuddled and was finally on his way back to the pavilion. The very next ball Green struck again, Stenner picking up another catch at square leg.  Two balls, two wickets, the hatrick was on.

Then to the amazement of all, Mannings strode back to the crease, we had failed to read another piece of small print that clearly stated “anyone who is a cross between Woody Allen and Paul Weller, may return to the crease at any time”. He was back. Green sent down a second Doozwobbla, Mannings was again unable to read it and the ball squirted up in the air, however this time falling just a yard in front of a despairing Mainprize. Excitement over.

The game was now pretty much up, as the  Mannings XI were a long way off their target, and finally with their 30 overs completed were on 108-9, victory was ours.

And so the day, and the season, drew to an end, and as the sun slowly and gloriously set over Petworth Park, all that could be heard wafting through the Autumnal air were the sounds of clinking ale glasses and the famous Alternatives victory song.