Three in a chuffin’ row – Cainers crushed again!!

Life is a constant struggle between good versus evil. The seeds of both lie within all of us and each must choose their own destiny. But without darkness there could not be light and there lies the paradox. And so, there must always be The Alternatives against The Cainers in cricket’s struggle for righteousness and salvation.

On an overcast afternoon, with an eerie, wistful sea mist lingering mournfully on the outfield, the two sides met to contest this annual event. The Alternative’s new skipper, Boden, won the toss and elected to bowl, hoping to gain an advantage from the looming clouds.

Clarke had a lean and hungry look; such men are dangerous. And so, it proved. In the first over the Cainers’ opener groped for the ball, and then with an impatient swipe became the first victim of the afternoon, caught neatly by Thompson. Clarke bowled with pace and accuracy, supported by Stenner at the other end. Both snared wickets as the Cainers’ top order tottered under the barrage.

Slowly the Cainers’ captain tried to steer his team’s innings forwards but there proved to be little respite as Bryden and Spink bowled together through the middle of the innings. Wickets were taken at regular intervals. Bryden crucially took out the skipper’s off stump, whilst Spink was unlucky as the ball repeatedly zipped past the outside edge. Bryden showed the enthusiasm of a young pup, bouncing and leaping for everything, desperate to grab the ball. He seemed to pop up from trapdoors to catch bemused batters, diving ahead of team-mates to prevent them from touching the ball.

The Cainers struggled to 80-9 but then rallied with the last wicket. A couple of lofty blows helped to swell their score until wily twirling by Goodwin had the last man stumped.

A total for the Cainers of exactly 100 (all out) looked to be underwhelming but the wicket was capricious and tricky. Any score could prove difficult to chase.

Green and Chappell opened the batting against an accomplished attack. Chappell managed to break the stranglehold with a well hit boundary but then perished soon after. The risk of a clatter of wickets against the demon bowling was real. Into this hell-fire marched Mellowship, and he refused to yield. He also refused to score runs but this did not matter as the fearsome attack was blunted. The terrible threat appeared to have been passed as the lesser, fringe bowlers took over.

Then, strangely, the game started to unravel for The Alternatives. Mellowship’s stoic knock finished as he was caught trying to accelerate. Against indifferent bowling, wickets tumbled. Green’s measured innings was stopped by an uncharacteristic, injudicious swipe. Clarke, Bodie, Spink and Boden all departed in quick succession suddenly leaving the team struggling at 74-7.

Kurtis heeds his mum’s advice and departs early to make sure he gets home for his tea!

Goodwin strolled forth, emboldened by recent hearty hitting in the nets. But then followed one of the unlikeliest overs cricket has ever seen, certainly at Wish Park. The Cainers’ leg-spinner looped gentle deliveries towards the leg stump only to be met by Goodwin’s twerking, booty-shaking bottom. There was no attempt to use his bat, just his batty. Then followed a relentless, repeated thrust of his buttocks as the ball ricocheted onto confused fielders. Worried parents hastily led their children from the nearby playground and embarrassed spectators took a sudden interest in their newspapers’ crossword. Clearly this tactic was high risk, as well as unorthodox. Alas it also proved short-lived, but its legacy maybe far-reaching, making cricket interesting to a whole new audience (…or maybe not).

Enough said!

After this engaging cameo, the Alternatives’ attention returned to the real threat of losing this vital match. The ninth wicket partnership needed 20 runs still and all the momentum had passed onto the Cainers.

Bryden and Thompson bristled with determination and spirit. Both played their shots with confidence and rattled along towards the victory total. Bryden had made an indelible mark on the game with his bowling, fielding and batting, so it proved just that he thrashed the ball across the boundary for the winning runs.

4 candles – 4 more runs I think you’ll find! Keith you hero (again) “solid as a rock”

Our very own Arkwright and G-G-G-Granville -steer us over the line

A thoroughly rewarding and memorable victory. A true team performance with each member of The Alternatives collaborating towards the win (although Boden’s main contribution was bringing along some delicious French Fancies enjoyed by the team between innings).

An exceedingly good spread from our new skipper

Additional post match notes

Our new leader Boden, as would befit Mike Brearley (Boden’s hero), did not go into any detail in his match report about the dubious umpiring decisions the Alts incurred in the final hour of play as the game threatened to unravel into acrimony and bitter dispute.

We won’t go into this in any further written detail, and will just leave it to our match photographer who managed to capture these unsavoury moments and Boden’s justified reaction!!!