A season like no other !!!
Will there ever be anything like this again, for very obvious reasons the Alts cricketing year seemed like it would never ever start, however after some heroic admin skills from our fixtures secretary and overall legend, the season did eventually happen – step forward and take a bow his royal greatness Sir Mellowship!!
LOCKDOWN
Our Captain’s Report will follow, but prior to that we should look back further and to the pre-season events. Back in mid February everything literally ground to a halt – indoor nets were no more, no-one could meet up, nuffink was happening! And so in an effort to keep team morale up during these barren months The Alts Zoom Quizzes were created.
AND THIS WEEKS WINNER IS…..
One of the underpinning reasons for the Zoom Quiz was to maintain and boost team morale. A chance for Alts to test their in depth cricket knowledge, their mathematical prowess and of course their knowledge of everything cakes!!!
On the morale front, nine out of ten quiz victories must surely have boosted the morale in the Boden household – well done to Jon, sorry I mean Shelley!!!!
AND THEN THERE WAS THIS FIASCO!!!!
GO OUT – DON’T GO OUT – PLAY SPORT – DON’T PLAY SPORT!!
he’s only gone and done it!!!!!!!
Just prior to The Captains Report, its time for a feelgood item, a contender for “Champagne moment”?
See the full action sequence of Willinga’s third Caner victim – press on the play button and it will take you to YouTube
And don’t forget to press the “like” button – lets get Willinga trending!!
Captain’s End of Season Report
What a strange season! Covid-19 managed to wreck the first half, but games came thick and fast from August through to the end of the summer. We started with good wins against Southwick Wanderers, Hurstpierpoint, Zambuca Tigers and St.Peter’s. Alas, we then finished with a losing streak, and worst of all the despicable Caners beat us to retain the Robertson Cup.
The final tally for the season was:
PLAYED 9: WON 4 LOST 5
There were many highlights to the season, and these included:
The discovery of the Alternatives’ very own Stokesy, aka the all-star all-rounder Will Felce. Previously, Will’s contribution to the 2019 season was to sprain his ankle and…nothing else. This year, there was no stopping him. Swashbuckling batting, hat-trick bowling, fearless fielding. The re-invention of Will started in 2020 and was witnessed by all. The pinnacle was achieved with a memorable hat-trick against the evil forces of the Caners. (It has been reported that Will is still re-watching the video footage of the great act and likely to continue through the cold, dark winter months).
Impressive displays by Mat Score. The 2019 Player of the Season continued his fine form and repeatedly proved to be the backbone of the Alts’ team performance. His batting was attacking and classy. His bowling was menacing and determined. Also, I don’t think he ran anybody out all season.
The impeccable batting of Richard Spinks. Good ol’ Spinkers topped the batting averages and even managed to outdo the great Don Bradman. Our man averaged 105 whereas the Don could only manage 99 (what an Aussie loser!)
Bodie’s sublime innings of 98 not out to guide us to victory against Hurstpierpoint. Perfectly paced and chanceless, he deserved a century but ran out of overs. There is no doubt that he is the second-best batsman in his family (Luca scored a masterful and magnificent 39 not out on an absolutely awful pitch at Sayer’s Common to prove he is top dog).
Paul Stenner’s Exocet, laser-missile bowling. No more targeting of the batsman’s head (or the legside umpire), the S’Express now launches fearsome ankle-crunching yorkers or stump-crashing inswingers. Even more remarkably, he manages it all on one leg, as he has re-modelled his furious run-up to a gentle two pace walk as a result of his dodgy knee.
Dicken Goodwin’s ball of the season. In the last match of 2020, the Tigers’ star batsman was destroying the Alts’ bowlers and we faced a terrible drubbing. Up stepped Dickie. His very first ball dipped and turned, then cork-screwed off the scorched surface to skip past the edge of the batsman’s despairing forward defensive prod. The bail of the off-stump was clipped whilst the batsman head slumped in utter disbelief.
The magnificent return of Our Glorious Leader. Mick opened the batting on our final match of the season and has promised to play further matches next season. Long live Our Leader!
Simon Thompson launched an angry insurance-related tirade on a grumpy, miserable dog-walker. During a game at Wish Park, a bad-tempered old man decided to walk his terrier across the cricket pitch in a strange exhibition of his perceived civil rights. Thommo, very aware of his own well-insured status, and bristling with indignation at the man’s recklessness, shouted with great gusto “Get off the pitch, you’re not insured, and we will not be blamed for any injury we cause you”. The man ignored this warning, but furthermore, did not realise that Thommo has waited years to show off his carefully planned and fully paid-up insurance policy. The old man and whimpering dog were chased off by the triumphant Thommo who glowed with satisfaction that many years of discussing insurance schemes had at last been relevant (almost).
Inevitably, if there are highlights to a season, then there must also be low points:
Nigel Green clean bowled by the Caner’s devious opening bowler Lloyd-y. The two were sharing a wonderful bromance but it had to end. Previously during the game, both were happily chatting together, overheard sharing pruning tips for their roses and discussing how pleasant Torquay is during springtime. Everything seemed so blissful. But this was an evil ruse by the Caner to gently stupefy his prey. Alas, Nigel was simply not match-ready but slightly misty-eyed when Lloyd’s bowling smashed through his defences. He had fallen for the honey-trap!
The Caners are willing to plunge to any depth to beat the noble Alts. This year, they used the despicable tactic of training a dog to infiltrate the Alternatives’ changing area and then the brainwashed hound to eat my lunch. We never recovered from the depraved act.
(NB: I have carefully avoided mentioning that Richard Nutbean took 3 wickets bowling for the Caners. This will never be spoken about).
No Chappers! David Chappell missed the whole of the season due to his eye operation. But he did make a meaningful contribution to the Zoom quizzing during lockdown with the finest cake/biscuit round. Get better soon!
A big thank you
Finally, a big thank you to our club secretary, Paul Mellowship, for the hours he spent organising and re-organising the fixtures during a mixed-up season. We are all very grateful Mel (and on a personal note, I apologise again for running you out against Southwick and for always putting the fielders in the wrong place when you are bowling).
And thank you to everyone for contributing to another wonderful cricketing season. Each year it’s great to share a summer of cricket with a bunch of friends who play together for a bit of competition but mostly to have fun. We keep alive old rivalries, spin out familiar stories, dads play cricket with their kids, have a drink down the pub, and we make new memories for next year. It’s always important, but especially this year when it’s been overshadowed by Covid (and we couldn’t have a single Alternatives’ baking competition….my fridge cake is baking).